Fuck you Jerusalem! I’m jealous because now you can buy a Hell Aviv t-shirt in Jerusalem. Made by our friends at Jewlicious, these shirts are being sold at the new digs of the nu campaign just off of Ben Yehuda street in Jerusalem at 16 Ben-Hillel. Of course you could just order it online - t-shirts run about $20, or 50 nis, or about the price of a bad Mojito at Clara. It’s your call bucko - but you do have to love the Motorcycle gang styling, right?
Fuck you Tel Aviv Cinnabon. As if Israelis aren’t getting fat enough - some enterprising folks opened a Cinnabon in Tel Aviv near Rabin Square. I’m not telling you the address because the average Cinnabon pastry runs 500 calories, with the Caramel Pecanbon topping off at 1,100 calories. How much is that? About half an average adult’s daily recommended caloric intake. And of course it’s all sugar and carbs - wasted calories unless you’re going to run a marathon, and how likely is that tubby?
Fuck you Sylvester!That’s how New Year’s Eve should be celebrated in Israel. See, New Years in Israel is celebrated as a religious holiday that corresponds to the new year on the Hebrew calendar - aka Rosh Hashana. When European immigrants moved to Israel, they didn’t want to celebrate another Rosh Hashana, but they did want to celebrate a holiday that they celebrated back home. Thus, instead of calling the day on the Gregorian calendar New Years, they called it Sylvester - the name given to that day in the Catholic calendar that assigns a saint to every day. What’s ironic is that Saint Sylvester was a Roman Pope who reigned during the Council of Nicaea (325 C.E.). The year before the Council of Nicaea convened, Sylvester convinced Emperor Constantine (first Christian Roman Emperor) to prohibit Jews from living in Jerusalem. At the Council of Nicaea itself, Sylvester went further and arranged for the passage of a host of viciously anti-Semitic legislation.
Now you know who this Sylvester guy was. On one hand it’s funny that we use the name of this Jew hater in the land of the Jews in order to celebrate New Years. On the other hand, it does make for a pretty awesome “Fuck You Sylvester!” Am I right?
The photo above is a poster for the Sylvester Party taking place at a club called Haoman 17 in Tel Aviv - one of the many parties taking place in Tel Aviv that day. Prepare for many pictures of silly, drunken Jews. Please, if you drink, don’t drive!
Fuck you Tel Aviv and your underused sad looking synagogues.